the boy I want

I don’t really know how to start this one. This past few weeks I have been taking a break and I was talking to a great guy, at least I thought I was. We had to keep our relationship a secret from my family. He actually works for my dad and has a rough past with drugs and my father would never really approve of him and I being together. I didn’t want to keep us a secret but we had both decided it would be a good idea so he could continue to better himself before we told him. So we had been sneaking around at night hanging out, once we got high together and another we just sat and talked.

I don’t really know why I enjoyed him so much, we come from such different backgrounds that us being together doesn’t even make complete sense to me. I know that I would be so good for him and that I would be able to help him get better. I really want to help him, I really want to be there for him but he won’t let me. And I really don’t get it but for some reason he is either pushing me away or not wanting me the way I want him.

Whenever we seem to have a really great day of talking and ending up hanging out and having an amazing time together he seems to disappear the next day. He drops off the face of the earth and doesn’t ever text me back or even tell me what is wrong. I keep telling him how I can’t do that, I need someone that can give me their 100% and I really thought he could be the one that would do that. The one that would sweep me off my feet and I really wanted him to be that man. I want him so badly but I feel like he doesn’t want me at all.

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